Every year I look forward to my grandma and grandpas birthday cards they send me. Not because I’m expecting money, or any gift… But because for the past four years I cherish every word they would write in a different new way.
This year was no different, I waited patiently for that card. But this year was different of course, in February my grandpa passed, and I knew my cards would never be the same. I still eagerly waited for it to be sent to my parents house and to open it on my birthday.
You know I had this idea, maybe it’s from watching too many movies or having my hopes to high.. I had received the letter hoping that maybe by some miracle my grandpa would have written it early, possibly before he passed. That way I could still enjoy one last tradition and cherish it. Maybe then I would get the closure I needed. It was a fantasy I wanted to hard to believe would happen. But from the moment I held the card in my hand I knew that wasn’t the case.
I held the card, the first thing that I noticed way my grandpas name was marked out on the postage sticker. Only my grandmas name remained. Inside the envelope was not a card, but two pieces of paper with my grandmas beautiful writing. The first thing she wrote was how I might not get the check in time for my birthday an that she should have sent it earlier. I laughed, because that is and has never been important to me. I soon realized that this wasn’t just a birthday card, she didn’t have to write it but I knew that this was her way of reaching out. The next thing she wrote was how she misses grandpa, and how everywhere she looks she is reminded of him. She goes on to what she plans to do for the next few months an how she spent the entire day before outside working. Signed, “Love you, Grandma A”
I felt like crying, but being at a table full of my family I tried not to show it. I wanted to call grandma, and I feel terrible that I haven’t done it since I saw her at the funeral.. I just wasn’t ready. I guess I still haven’t accepted that grandpa was really gone, and by calling her I didn’t want to upset her. It seemed like every time I was around grandma when we went down to the funeral anytime she saw me she cried. I just was scared that if I called her one of us would end up crying and I don’t want to put her through that.
But I plan on calling her today. Once I get home I’m going to call her and tell her of my engagement and I plan to call her twice a week.
I will always miss those birthday cards, but I guess it’s good that they are someplace safe. I can always re-read them when I’m missing him the most. But one things for sure,
I sure do miss those beautiful blue eyes..